By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize