dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
