he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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