There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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