Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
