how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
