guys are only as good as the porn they watch
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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