omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
