are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
