I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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