Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
