They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
