maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i drank out of a bidet.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
