In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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