Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
