I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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