HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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