The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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