So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
