Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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