She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
do nipples grow back?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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