Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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