The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
