You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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