My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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