I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
