When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
