tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
