Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
