i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
