my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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