Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
