So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
