WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize