i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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