dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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