We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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