theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
