They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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