I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
