i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
