come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
