I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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