he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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