So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
