Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
