Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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