it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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