I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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