Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
