Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
