The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
