I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
