where am i from again
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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