New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
