This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
