So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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