I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
