What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
