I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Small penises have feelings too.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
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everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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