you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
