i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
