Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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