Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
