where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
