Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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