Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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