no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
