the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
