Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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