Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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