my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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