The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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