Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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