i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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