Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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