Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
