even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
