Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
4 words: hood of his car
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
